And above all, process is all that matters.

When I was a student I’m sure I was pretty much a grade topper. I belonged to 5-10% of the best students in my major. But I didn’t work hard. Some of my friends said jokingly (but seriously) that they hated me everytime a test result came out because I got a good grade even though I didn’t study hard as they did.

I agree. I was a procrastinator at my best. I didn’t do assignments to the very last minutes before the deadlines. I didn’t study much. I only did my best on one or two subects that I really liked the most (the only subjects that attracted me were linguistics and the foreign languages), even though I also did it very rarely. Most of the time I just did something that was fun for me like watching movies and dramas, and sometimes reading comic books and novels. My attitude towards learning at that time was very low. But I did good with the grades anyway.

I may say I was a naturally good test doer despite the lack of study efforts and will to learn. So even though I got good grades, I was only stuck there and didn’t go any higher and any better. So my friends who I knew spent the most of their nights studying get score slightly better than me. I said slightly, because it really was. But again, nurture can beat nature. And the universe knows who makes the most efforts.

It was the time when my major gave scholarship to study abroad for summer course. That was in my sophomore year. My professors who only knew about my grades (of course they thought I studied hard because of it) often said since my first year that I would be able to get that scholarship if I kept on doing like this (I mean, like what?). But I was conceited anyway, and thought that she might be right and I felt assured about getting that scholarship.

Beside based on the grades, the scholarship required a certificate of the attendance of a summer course held here in Jakarta, which we could get if we attended at least 90% of all classes. Bad luck then struck me _because that was the way the universe did to warn me to not take everything for granted, I just realised. I was in my hometown back then because my sister had some kind of a newborn baby ceremony. I missed one class, and I thought that was okay I still had 90%. And in the morning, the next day, on my way to the course place, the traffic was extremely terrible. So I missed that day and lost my 90% attendance which meant I lost the chance to get the certificate which meant the chance to get the scholarship decreased…

I still had expectation though. I thought I would still be saved by my grades. But no, of course. I was placed on number 9 on the list and all 8 students above me got that scholarship. And they were the ones who I knew put so much effort on learning and did their best. One of my friend who got one once said that I was originally on the list, even on ones of the highest candidates. But the profs had to bring me down due to the shortage of the documents required. I was so broken. I was so upset. I have been, and sometimes I am, because that scholarship was one of the reasons why I chose my major. I spent the rest of my school years resenting myself. I blamed the universe for not conspiring to make it happen to me (simply because I wanted to blame on someone but I didn’t want to admit that was all my fault). But, yeah, I’m writing this in order to get rid the burden that sometimes still haunts me, the face of a failure because of the arrogance and indolence I had.

I finally graduated and now I’m working in my campus as a language teacher. I still get a chance to meet my previous professors who still think I’m their one of the best students. Couple of months ago, we sat together in a cafe when one of their friend (another professor from another major) joined us. And my prof said, intruducing me to her: Here, Rury. She’s one of our bests and now we are convincing her to become a junior lecturer in our major.”

Sounds like I should have been proud, shouldn’t I? But I was not. Because deep down I knew that I was not that worth to be proud. That was just all lie about my grade, about my learning. That was nothing so special about me

So there I have been: guilty to myself, angry to myself, anxious about myself. I wanted to move on, to not dwell on the past failures and to make all lies become the truth: that I really am one of my professors’ best students. I wanted to be someone I will always be proud of. I wanted to fix myself.

Results never betray efforts, and above all, process is all that matte

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The soon to be brides, it’s for you.

To: You, the beautiful brides.

Finally the day has come. The day that we would only say by “One day..” when we were little. Yes, the day when you complete your half dien, following the Prophet’s sunnah. The day when you become one with your partner of life, and afterlife, inshaa Allah. Besides, it’s the two of you! The best day that only happens once in a life time, you do it almost together. That can’t be more astonishing than that.

I was so overwhelmed, I lost words, when you delivered the news. All the prearations, the proposal you had, the engagement and so on, I was so jolly that I felt like it was my own. I was so happy, so excited . If I was this happy, I bet you couldn’t be less happy than I was. Right? I still am and you still are, of course.

I remember when we were little and busy picturing ourselves in the future. We would always talk about these things: when would we get married? How would we get married? When would we meet our destined ones? And sometimes we’d imagine that we would live near each other in the same neighborhood and would still hanging around like this even when we already have husbands. Even when we were scattered to many places to pursue our dreams, that day when we left the high school, we promised to keep in touch, to still talk about anything like distance was really nothing to us. We promised to share our stories we would have in our new places by any media possible at that time: SMS, group phone calls, blogs. We were there for each other through every heartbreak, drying each other’s tears, lifting each other’s head. I remember whatever problem I have, you guys would always be there to help carry the burden.

You were always there with a smile or a word or two of encouragement and consolation. You guys were every first text when something good happened in my life. There were no secrets . There was no feeling bad about anything. In you, I find soulmates, the ones I spend many deepen nights, to spend every holiday with, to take every picture with. We understand each other. To find that bond as early as we did, and to keep that bond strong despite the deterrents that we faced, is something I’ll forever be thankful for.

Then, tomorrow there will be someone else(s) that join our special club, your hubands. And that is okay because I know the role I have taken was to hold your hand until someone else will forever do. My heart was filled with happines the first time you told me that they are the ones. That they love you. I admit sometimes I envy you and your love life, as now I am still spending time imagining that a prince will really come. All the stories that you told me, and the rest of us, about him really really made me smile. Even when the breakups stories (Sya, hehe) I honestly knew that you guys would make it. And that happened! The ‘yeses’, and then the planning began.

As we survived the wedding planning and made it until this day, I can honestly say that we will be able to overcome everything. You will stand there, more beautiful than any bride has ever been, and you stand beside a man who I know is worthy.

To you, Sir, I say you have won over the heart of my best friends. You have won my heart, our hearts, the heart of her friends and family. We give her away knowing that tomorrow you’ll have married one of the most wonderful women in the entire world. May you cherish her, the way we all have. May you love her the way we all have. May you overcome any challenge, your future faces, the way we were able in the past. I don’t need to stand here and tell you averything wonderful about her, because I know none of us would be standing here if you didn’t already know all these things. To you sir, I say thank you. Thank you for making making my best friends’ “One day”, the dreams, a reality. Thank you for giving her fairytale she so very much deserves.

And to my best friends, thank you for giving me all those years. Thank you for proving that soulmates really do exist. The way I see it, you getting married doesn’t change anything. I look forward to the next milestones we encounter. I look forward to becoming a cool auntie to your kids. While there are a few things that of course will change—our cities, the zip code, the deeping laugh lines on our faces—I know we never will.

Good night, the soon to be brides. See you tomorrow, the beautiful brides.

I know it’s not our style to say such touchy-touchy things like this, but I resist this because, once again, it’s your “Once in A Lifetime” moments. So I think this is also one of them. But I reduced the level of cheesy-ness by saying this all in English. I can’t imagine the level of chessy-ness to say all of this in Indonesian. Wkwk.

Once again,

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MARRIAGE, HAVE A HARMONIOUS, JOLLY, AND BLESSED ONE UNTIL THE JANNAH!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

 

 

Wonosobo, July 15th 2016

Upon Diena and Risya’s Wedding day on 16th and 17th.

is my world

A little sweet

A little sour

A little close

Not too far

All I need, all I need is to be free.

 

It’s close enough to touch

But disappears like a mirage

Woven of dreams, warm as sweaters

Beyond the white clouds

Is my world

 

Let me in without a shout

Let me in, I have a doubt

There are more, many more

Many, many, many more like me

 

I’m not alone

Dream walking, wide eyed

Stepping, stumbling

Yet I have no doubt

Just like the setting sun, will rise again

My world, once revealed, will astound everyone.

 

Open eyed, how I run, how I run to the other side

Then I glide like a bird

I just want to be

 

A thousand wings to fly

To explore open skies

So many turns to take

Paths to follow

And discover my world

 

These few days of childhood will never return

So live it up now, my friend

On credit, if you’re broke

Live it up.

To: the world, where every special child lives

 

“Today, let us open the windows of our hearts and peep outside. To see little little raindrops meet the glorious sun, a rainbow forming, sheer joy and great fun” __A poem read by one gifted girl on her school’s art performance.

So I have a couple times visited my sister’s special school. She is one with down syndrome. Seeing her and her school friends always left me full of emotions that I cannot describe well. The feelings about her, about her friends, about my self, about the society, about the world we live in. Seeing them and their innocence, their own ways to see life, their dreams, their hopes, their happiness, their laughter gives me so many hopes about them that I want to tell the world how wonderful they really are. But sometimes mankind are worse than monsters. It’s not about them that I have doubts, but about the world and its society, and even the parents of the kid themselves.

‘How is he going to compete in this world?’

Yes.. there’s a merciless and competitive world out there. And in this crazy world, everybody wants to grow toppers and rankers. Everyone wants a genius for a kid. They want doctors, engineers, MBA. Nothing less is tolerated. Anything less is blasphemy. For god’s sake. Every child has his own capabilities, his own desires, his own dreams.

So why can’t we just stop our our piercing gaze, lower our pointing fingers towards them and open our arms to hug them? They are just the same. Same as me and you. And they just need caring.

Caring. It’s very important. It has power to heal, to make everything better. Like a balm that soothes pain.

So I got a poem for you, society. Originally from a hindi song titled Taree Zamer Par.

 

LIKE STARS ON EARTH

Look at them, like fresh drops of dew.

Nestled in the palms of leaves, gifts of the heavens

Stretching and turning, slipping, sliding

Like delicate pearls, glinting with laughter

Let us not lose these, little stars on earth

Like sunshine on a winter’s day

Bathes the courtyard in gold

They banish darkness from our hearts

And warm us to the core

Let us not lose these, little stars on earth

Like sleep trapped behind eyelids

Where sweet dreams abound

And in the dream an angel rises

Like fountains of colour

Like butterflies upon blossoms

Like love which is selfless

They’re surging waves of hope

They’re the dawn of dreams and eternal joy

Let us not lose these, little stars on earth

On the heavy darkness of night’s bosom

They sit like a flame dispelling gloom

Like an orchard’s fragrance they fill the air

Like a kaleidoscope of myriad hues

Like flowers reaching up to the sun

Like the notes of a flute in the quiet of a grove

They are breaths of fresh air

The rhythm and music of life

Let us not lose these, little stars on earth

Like the pulsing life of the neighbourhood

Like the buds determined to bloom

Like the breeze of the season caught in your palm

They’re the blessings of our elders

Let us not lose these, little stars on earth

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let us just remember, every child is special.

Selama setahun ke depan..

Malam ini semangatku kembali menggebu. Sudah beberapa jam semenjak aku menutup novel ‘Negeri Bahagia’ku, mengambil segelas air putih, dan mematikan lampu. Mataku tak ingin segera terpejam. Gejolak mimpi yang semakin malam semakin mendidih, semakin membuatku merasa senang dan berdebar.

Aku terserap pada gambar-gambar buatanku sendiri tentang apa yang akan kulakukan esok hari. Aku akan berada di sebuah ruangan penuh buku, perpustakaan kampus. Aku akan membuka halaman demi halaman buku-buku itu, aku akan mencari kata-kata bagus yang bisa kukutip dan kumasukkan ke dalam tulisanku. Selama satu minggu aku akan mendapati diriku di situ dan melakukan itu.

Lalu pada hari ketujuh atau kedelapan, aku akan mengirim pesan pendek kepada dosenku, dan dengan berbangga hati aku akan menunjukkan hasil kerjaku itu. Aku harap dia akan menyukainya dan akan memasukkannya ke dalam ‘Jurnal Sosiolinguistik’. Dan akan ada namaku di situ.

Lalu aku akan mengajak dosen tersayangku, Bu Ari untuk minum kopi bersama. Kali ini aku yang akan membayar minuman kami. Minggu lalu kami juga bertemu di cafe kecil di dalam kampus dan kami berbicara banyak hal. Ah tidak, beliau yang berkisah banyak, dan aku mendengar dan menimpali. Kisah-kisah beliau selalu menyenangkan untuk didengar. Tapi minggu depan aku yang akan bercerita. Aku akan bercerita tentang cita-citaku yang lain. Beliau telah tahu banyak apa yang ingin kulakukan dan kumiliki di dunia, dan mendukungnya. Kuingat pertama kali yang  beliau tanyakan padaku saat kuliah dulu: Nak, apa cita-citamu? Lalu aku berkata: Saya ingin keliling dunia. Lalu ia menjawab: Mimpimu terlalu kecil, Nak. Itu terlalu mudah dilakukan. Bercitalah sebuah cita yang terasa sulit dilakukan, itu namanya cita-cita. Kalau itu mudah, bukan cita-cita namanya.

Lalu kali ini, aku yang akan bercerita. Aku akan memintanya mendukungku atas langkah-langkah yang akan kulakukan beberapa tahun ke depan. Aku yakin dia akan dengan bersemangat melakukannya, sama ketika dulu kami duduk bersama dan dia bersemangat mendorongku untuk mengikuti jejaknya mengajar di jurusanku.

Setelah bertemu dengan Bu Ari, aku akan kembali mendapati diriku di dalam ruangan perpustakaan kampus lagi. Kali ini aku akan membenamkan diriku pada kertas-kertas tentang pengajaran bahasa. Aku akan mencari tahu lagi tentang apa yag sedikit kutahu tentang itu. Aku akan melakukannya sampai tahun depan, jika aku punya waktu luang.

Aku akan makin sering bertelepon Skype dengan Sophie di Belanda, Yasu di Jepang, atau Rina di Swedia untuk menggunakan bahasa Inggrisku. Di sini aku bingung barbahasa Inggris dengan siapa, di kelas aku tidak boleh berbahasa Inggris sama sekali, meskipun mereka mahasiswa-mahasiswa asingku tidak mengerti apa yang kukatakan dalam bahasa Indonesia.

Lalu aku juga akan membaca koran-koran di perpustakaan. Kali ini aku tidak akan pilih-pilih kolom mana yang akan kubaca. Kata Mia saringan untuk mndapat dana belajar banyak tentang berita umum.

Aku akan melakukan itu semua. Lalu aku akan belajar apa yang ingin kupelajari. Lalu aku akan mencoret satu dari sekian tulisan di “Daftar Cita-CIta” yang selama ini kusembunyikan di balik rak buku.

Hm. Memikirkannya saja membuatku tak bisa tidur.

9 Oktober 2015

 

 

Blog, REVIVED!

Be happy, for I decided to post my writings here again. I thought it would be a waste if I just keep them in my hard disk. Not that they are really worth reading articles for some of you, but it’s just simply that… that’s the simplest way to be heard. You know I am an introverted person. So I think by posting my thoughts on net I can practically speak my minds out. Oh wait, I have written about this specifically. I’ll post it later.

I have several posts that I’ve deleted though. It’s okay. just pretend that this blog is a brand new blog that’s just born, just now.

Have a nice day!

Aside

Why Ship?

Why Ship? Hmm… actually I did not really make up my mind when choosing this theme for my new blog. Ship and voyage. It happened when I derping around (I guess you all know well what derping around means, haha, if you dont then open 9gag.com :B), and eventually ended up in wordpress site.

Hetkofschip, i do not know exactly what it is, but ut seems like a ship in a very very past time in the Netherlands. Then why I did choose that name though I don’t know what that is exactly?? Hmm.. actually it was just because at that day, when I first made this blog, I had a Dutch lecture in which we talked about… hmm… something.. kind of tenses in English. And there was a rule, like ‘add this letter if you meet this letter at the end of a word’,this or that. And my lecturer gave us an abreviation to make us simply remember the rule, and that is ”t Kofschip’. 

I was really really into Dutch, so thats why I just used it to my blog account. Actually not only this blog, but also I use some ‘Dutch things” to my other things too. Hehe

For a while it was just the reason. But then I found a good meaning by using this het kofschip as the theme for my blog account. Ships always sail, right? They sail and sail to the new places, cross the sea, finding new adventure.

Well. actually I am not that adventurous. If adventurous is something about courage, endurance and resistence against fatigue, I am not the girl. Hahaha :D justkid

I like to travel, to see new places around the world, to go abroad. I am not the girl who thinks that her life will just be stuck in this country. No, i really want to go abroad. Europe, America, Africa, Asia (including Indonesia my country), or even just Australia, I want to travel there. Exploring their beauty, and speaking their languages.

Speaking their languages is also my dream. To be able to speak in several language. :D

Hope they will come true in the future, and my dad my mom my sisters will say “BON VOYAGE!!” to me.

 

Hopefully.

 

And hello world!! this is my new blog!! Yoroshiku!!~

'T Kofschip

A ship, rounds the world